How I Learned to Appreciate life + My Delivery and PPD story
By Unknown - November 22, 2017
*Alarm Ringing for
fajar*
5:30 am August 31, 2017
I am 2 days past my due date,
having zero patience now. I feel a sudden sharp pain in my back, as if someone
was twisting my spinal cord. It went away after a few seconds. I made ablution for
FAJAR, and it came again. The sharp pain. As soon as I finished my prayer I
knew today was the day for which I was waiting for the past 9 months.
10:30 am
Sharp pains/Some one ripping
my back apart also commonly known as contractions, now getting too close. I was
barefoot walking in my hall way trying to breath and relax. Reciting every
verse that I could think of from the Holy Quran whilst my sister (who was the
only one in the house who knew that I was in Labor) nervously preparing a
grilled cheese sandwich for me. I ate some and then went to take the longest
shower I ever took till date.
I knew I had to have my
contractions 3 Mins apart to rush to the hospital. So I was patiently waiting
for them to get closer, to be patient was the most difficult thing to do.
3:00 pm-4:00 pm
My mother sitting next to me
rubbing my back while I was sipping some chicken soup that she prepared for me.
(At this point my entire house knew I was in Labor,of course). My youngest
sister offered me to braid my hair and I am so glad that I said Yes.
Belly fed, shower taken, somewhat groomed and
now I can’t bear this pain anymore. I call my husband (MR. R) who was at the
mosque praying Asar, telling him it’s time to go to the hospital.
4:15 pm- 5:20 pm
We rush to the hospital and
it’s the biggest day for all the Muslims around the world. Today is the day of
Arafat and most of the hospital staff is having a day off. So is my Doctor. I
was taken straight to the Labor room and then shifted in minutes on to the
delivery table. My doctor arrived and I was relieved at the sight of her.
My Mom by my side feeling
helpless but giving me all the strength through her words. Constantly telling
that I could do it when I thought that I couldn't.
5:35 pm
In a matter of just 12 hours, from Mrs. R, I became Umme
Rayyan (Mother of Rayyan). I just could not believe that I had given birth. I knew I
was going to, for all these 9 months, but all of a sudden I was hit with the
feeling of becoming a mother like a ton of bricks. I realized that this tiny
human, my son, is completely depended on me and this is when I had faced
reality face to face.
I didn’t know postpartum depression was for real until I had
it. I would sob for hours without knowing the reason. I would get
uncontrollably emotional seeing my baby. I knew no one would understand what I
am going through and it was just too difficult to explain. Because apparently
you are blessed with such happiness, there should be no space for sadness! I
was happy that I had my baby for whom I was waiting for. But I was sad because
the privileges that I took so granted all this time were all taken away from
me.
I missed taking long
showers or just chilling with my siblings.
I missed going on
long rides with my husband or watching Quantico with him.
I missed the “me”
time that I always had and never made use of it.
I missed sending Mr.
R to work, tying his tie and handing his wallet to him.
More than anything, I
missed being ME….
Then one day as my mother was looking at Rayyan, she said:
God, he has really grown since he was first born. That was when I realized that
after few months I will miss how tiny my baby was when he was first born. Or
the freckles he had on his nose which have gone. Or the fact that he just
doesn’t fit my lap anymore………These thoughts made me appreciate the day I was
living in, not the days which were gone. Someone has rightly said: “Do not cry
over the spilled milk”.
I learned to enjoy
the happiness of today and that of the past. I learned to love the ones who are
with me today and God knows where they will be tomorrow.
Now I enjoy sitting in the back seat with my baby and
showing him places, I enjoy his tiny achievements everyday, I love playing
dressup with him and more than anything, I enjoy the ‘New Mom Me version’.
The days which are gone were fun but we should not miss the
happiness of today rethinking and being in the past. Because what you missed
today will also be gone tomorrow. Live each day.
